African churches and LGTB need to have a dialogue

“Our cultures have an important place in the society so to fight for rights should be done through dialogue”. Jimmy, a missionary brother says during the interview he had with us about his life as missionary and gay.

Adelard.K: When did you realize about your sexual orientation?

Br. Jimmy: I realized  I had a different feeling not very young,  though, at  10,  I remember admiring someone who became my great friend,  I loved meeting him, seating together in  class hanging around together but the thought of sexuality never came into my mind but  I had great feelings for him.
Even now as a married man whenever we meet, I recall those days of our encounter…  but that shows me that sexual orientation is not what happens between 2 men or women as many people tend to think it is a natural feeling between  2 people which I think is very normal.

Has it ever been a problem for your vocation? and How do you live your choice to follow God (Faith) and your sexuality?

Yes, because sometimes I felt not understood by the way I put my reasoning.  I think living my vocation and this style of life is not a problem if we don’t allow to be cheated by those who use it as a means of finding a living. I mean people taking advantage of the fact that you are gay and consecrated or priest and use it to blackmail you in order to get money from it which sometimes happens considering the fact that the society will take it as a scandal.
I  once  found  myself  in  front  of  a  situation where  a friend used  the  fact  that  I  am  religious  to  publish  my  photos  and  names  because  I  had  attended a  gay  party,  which  was  good, people  well  behaved  and it was a success  but  because  he  wanted  money  out of  it he  planned  this  I let  him  do  whatever  he  wanted  but  it  never  went  far.
It’s not easy to socialize because of that reason and our societies are also not ready for such a topic that is why it tends to homophobic, I would say out of ignorance and understanding.

Do you feel welcome and free in your choice with others?

I think at the internal life of the community there is no problem, I look at sexual orientation as a lifestyle, lifestyle which should be lived in a positive sense, when one lives likewise, there is no problem. 
No one goes around to record the orientation of others, then sometimes in our private talks, to live well the communitarian experience we need to communicate it and share with our brothers, is it understood???  In most cases no, but what matters first is the relationship for people who live in the community. It can be understood and can be a gift to others too.

Why did you make the choice of communitarian life?

I made this choice actually before I concluded that  I have a different orientation,  I  grew in a mixt boarding school.  I  had  opportunity to  have  reasonable  time  with  opposite  sex,  and  feel  their  love  too, at  the  same time  I  recall  that  I  found  more  attraction  to  mingle among  boys, yes  with  lots  of  girls  among  the  team  but I  didn’t  behave  the  way  majority  of  my  friends  did, running  after  girls  at  night and  this  sometimes put  a  question mark  from  the  friends  perspective  though it never caused  any  problem  to  me because I had a girl like others but never wasted extra time just to be with her.
Hence it made me the giant in a boarding school on issues of self-control. At the same time, nothing happened among the boys, It was not clear for me the feelings for boys.

What helps you to keep on track?

I  manage  to  keep on  track, not  by  myself I am  sure,  because  in  community  life  I  have  seen  a lot,  many  people  come in because of different issues,  one  being  gender,  either  they  fear to have families  with  children,  or  not  being  able  to  satisfy the  women  they  will  choose,  or  just  because  they want  to  escape,  but  communitarian  experience  is  no home  for  escape,  one  needs  to  put  himself  in  front  of  God and  say  here  I  am,  take  me  as  I  am, and  give  me  what  it  is needed  to  be  what  you  want,  this  is  my  experience  of  22 years  in  community,  I  have  no  regret,  and  I have  not  only  once  shared  this  with  my  leaders,  just  because  I love  them they  have  listened,  helped  me….
Not to become a different thing but to learn to manage my sexual behavior which is normal in all orientations.

You have been in many countries as a missionary, how do you define the different perspectives in approaching homosexuality in Catholic churches?

In Africa, countries more open to LGBT are South Africa, Botswana, here I noticed that the Church itself doesn’t condemn but mold and help where need be. For example,  Holy  Trinity the  Chapel at  Witz University in Johannesburg has put special evening Masses for LGBT  every  Thursday and it turned into dinner together as well, great moment,  where  I saw many young people go to mass, go for confessions, receive communion but they remain who they are.

In African countries, you have been to, which one do you qualify as open and welcome to LGTBI?

I  think  African  countries  need  to  open up  to  understand the situation of  every  individual,  and  Churches  in  Africa  too  should  do  the  same,  am  very  sure  some  do  a lot  in  this  regard,  but  I  feel  very  strongly  inside  me  is  one  other  thing, if  we  want  to  be  understood  how  do  we  present  ourselves to  the  unknown? 
The way we present our issues in African is not ok, our cultures have an important place in society so to fight for rights should be done through dialogue. Gay issues should be put in dialogue with our cultures, especially talking to mothers, parents, the message can to go smoothly and can be listened with the possibility of being understood.
There is a need for great understanding before speaking, In South Africa, all this became possible because of the good relations born among LGBT and the Jesuits …this eventually created a good understanding.

What would you say about African cultures and religion on Homosexuality?

Listening before judging anyone, but both, church and LGBT need to dialogue, a dialogue, which starts in private and bring openness.

What else would you like to share with us, and you would wish to be heard by other young people who are still strangling with faith and sexuality?

There is one piece of advice in-store, non-one should miss out on this, “ we have one life” if  I had two I would use one for God and one for me,  but since we have only one, we strive to live well.  Be gay be Bisexual, be straight,  be whatever we  are,  we  can  only  be  understood  by  the  way  we live,  I  know  life  is  not  always  easy,  but  for  example to  be  Christian  and be  part  of LGBT  you  must  go  against  the  current  in a way,  what  do I  mean  here,  I  have  my  calling  and  private life  too, I  can hang around  with  my  peers, I  can attend  functions  too  wherever  I  am invited,  but  what  do  I  do there  and  how  do  I  behave  there  is  the  question,  not  easy  at all. ABC (Abstinence, Be faithful and use Condom) is not only for straight people is for all human beings.

So, this is my advice, let’s be free but remember as Christians we know well that freedom is not free. It was paid, we have to be part of the story.